by my side.

Sitting in a huddled mess. Body shaking tears pouring down. Feeling empty. Feeling hopeless. Tired and alone.

It is time. Surrender.



I think we all know someone that is hurting. They are fighting to make it through eachday. Thinking that they will fix the problem. Wondering if they are the problem...

This is for you, you know who you are.

tada

...

And actually I am thankful because it could be so much worse...

So, I am sitting here on the couch, where I have been all day long.
I have a toothache. I am getting my wisdom tooth extracted on Thursday. The pain is ummm.... intense.

So, I went to the dentist. They were able to get me in yesterday. I am so grateful. I do not have any insurance. The ladies at the reception desk weren't as friendly as they could have been. I paid in full. No problems. Why do grown women act so catty?

The dentist came into the room. I was trying not to cry and failing. It hurt. Bad. He took one look and scheduled me to get it out on Thursday. Then gave me a prescription for antibiotics and pain medication. The roof of my mouth on the left side is puffed out with infection. Disgusting. I can taste it. bleck.

I go home. I had been taking Extra Strength Tylenol and Ibuprofen like candy. I take some medicine and try to get some rest. The throbbing is piercing all the way up into my temple and causing my eyes to swell. Fun.

This morning...
Wake up. After a few hours of sleep. I help Justin get the boys dressed. Liam has a doctors appointment and Oliver needs a flu shot. My amazing husband is going to brave it alone with both boys in Lafayette. God Speed.

I flop around on the couch, unable to eat. Feeling sick. Justin calls. I have to hang up quickly so that I can go barf into the tiny bathroom trash can that already had a dirty diaper in it. That was awesome. Who doesn't love have puke splash back into your face, while you smell dirty diapers?!

I am alive. I am sweating like a beast. But at least I have the puking out of the way. I wait for more info from Justin.

Oliver cried for 20 seconds until he got a sucker after his shot. That is good. The boys are being good. I can relax.

Justin calls again. Liam only gained 2 ounces in 6 weeks. He has gained about 9 ounces in 4 months. Dr. Miller is concerned and wants blood work done to see why Liam was growing in the 90 percentile until he went in for his 15 month appointment. Now he is in the 50 percentile and not gaining. She wants a urine sample. This is all kind of scary. But I am trying to just keep my cool.

Anyway, Justin is in the doctor's office for an hour with both boys. Then he waits for an hour at the lab with both boys. 2 boys= total chaos. They were being really good though. Thank goodness. Then they finally call Liam's name. Then Oliver accidentally knocked Liam down and busted his nose and lip open. The lab lady decides that Liam needs to be seen by a nurse. Back to the doctor's office for another 20-30 minutes. Then back to the lab to wait in line, again.

All of this right around lunch time.

Things that will make Justin angry...
1. Sleepy
2. Hungry
3. Sore Feet
4. Headache
5. Hot

Did you see number 2? Yep.

So, they finally finish at the lab and Justin takes the boys through the drive-thru on the way home (90 minute drive.)

He comes home to me sprawled out on the couch. Useless.

Then he has to make dinner.
Give the kids a bath.
Clean up my puke in the trashcan.
Do the dishes.

All of this to say,

I need my husband more than I ever realized.
I love my husband more than he ever realized.
He is amazing. He is loyal. He is dependable. He is nurturing. He is a long list of marvelous adjectives...

But most of all.
He is mine.

When I work I bite my lips...

And so, this is love.

King Liam Edward
Momma's lil Milkweed
Mr. Moo
Miam

(He was annoyed because the sun was in his eyes while I was changing his dirty butt. I don't know if I told you all that I was recently crowned The World's Best Mom... yeah. So, he is making some funny faces and I leave him (in the sun) and run and get my camera. Then, when I get back, he has moved... So I did what any award winning mother would do. I put him back in the sun and annoyed the tarnation out of him in the name of art and memory making!)

Opinions are like... bellybuttons.

Everybody has one. (Unless you have had some kind of tummy tuck or something.)


Justin has his DACC (Danville Area Comm. College) office Christmas Party on Friday night. It is at the "Knights of Colombus" in Danville. We will be eating dinner, having a raffle and there will be a DJ for dancing. I asked Justin what women wear to these things, and I got a very typical vague "Justin" answer. So, I asked him to ask his boss... (I would have loved to witness that awkward conversation...) He comes back and tells me that the women usually wear slacks and a Christmas sweater. Well, I am not wasting my tacky Christmas sweater 2008 on the DACC Christmas Party! And so, this is my outfit...

My questions,

Which shoes?
Pearls or no pearls?

Possibly relevant information:
*The boots are comfy.
*The boots are hot.
*The flats hurt my left big toe.
*The flats might be easier to dance in.

Basically, which ones look the best?
Pain is tolerable.
Heat is tolerable.

What did she just say?!

I LOVE SUFJAN STEVENS!!!
This song makes me dance with my buttcheeks in my recliner when I am supposed to be editing photographs!

(Man I need to put up my Christmas Tree!)

Please take 3 minutes and 49 seconds...

And give Him your attention.



This is by far my all-time favorite version of this song.
Gives me chills and makes me teary...