Monday, April 7, 2008

Wake-up Call

Well, my perfect record is tarnished. Drat.

I wake up Sunday morning, around 7:30 ish. Feed Liam, while I lay in bed and wake up a little. (Yes, I am still nursing. And I love it.) I get the boys' outfits laid out. And take a shower. Justin gets up and gets them dressed and gets a shower. I finish getting ready and try on about 10 different outfits. I hate my closet and my stupid body. Anyway... Finally get the diaper bag packed and head out the door to church. I am in a bad mood. I have to squeeze in the back seat between the boys, so that I can feed Liam some baby food on the way to church. We pick up Brandon and I have to be the one to tell him no to going to McDonald's. I am so sick of being the grouchy bad guy. I don't want to be late to church. We get to church and Oliver cries when we leave him in the nursery. He had been doing so well. I am pretty sure it is because he is a brat. But also because the poor guy has had an ear infection for a couple of weeks. Those hurt. We finally get into our seats and I am trying to force myself into a state where I can focus my attention on worshipping God. And it just wasn't happening. I can usually ignore off key singing or other people not paying attention... but not today. So, I am more aggravated. During the message, my mind kept wandering...How is Oliver? I want to volunteer to help with VBS, don't forget to sign up...What time is it?...Man, I am hungry...Did they just say "do work!" I know Justin and Brandon are thinking about Big Black (A show on MTV called Rob and Big)...You get my point. So, now I feel guilty for wasting God's time on me. I just wasted this service and I know that there were things that were meant for me in there. Drat. Now, I am ashamed. Service is over and Justin and I go get the boys. Much to my relief, they were great. Liam was asleep in a crib even! We chat for a little bit. I am wishing that I wouldn't have swallowed my gum. My gut hurts now. As we are getting into the car, Justin could tell I was irritated. He volunteers to sit in the back. I am more angry at Brandon for not volunteering. He is the skinniest one of the group after all. But I let Justin take one for the team. So, I am driving home. We decide to take a spin past a house that we like and stop at a gas station to get some drinks. Then we were on our way home. The kids were mildly grumpy. It was nap time. So, I set the cruise and looked forward to putting on some sweatpants and eating a brownie. We are about 2 blocks from our house when that State Cop passed me. I knew I was a goner. My legs went numb and felt jiggly. I began to sweat profusely. I thought I was either gonna puke or fart...I pass gas when nervous. Sure enough he pulled a u-turn and sped up. He didn't put on his lights. He didn't put on his siren. He sped up next to me and motioned for me to follow him. GREAT! I have NEVER been pulled over before. I had no idea what to do. He pulled me and the car in front of me over. I am fighting back tears. I don't know where the registration is and I left my license at home! Brandon is telling me that I should have just floored it when I saw him making a u-turn. Justin is telling me that I should have just turned at the block to go home. I just want them both to shut-up. For some reason I have this fear that the cop will hear them with his super-human hearing and think that we are up to something. I ask them to just be quiet and give me the registration. I am doing okay, I am not crying, puking, or farting. That is a relief. My heart is going crazy and I know I looked scared. The cop walks up and it is the same guy that pulled Justin over a few months ago. What are the odds? He says, "Do you know why I pulled you over miss?" I nod in compliance. "It is because of your speed mam." He replied. "Do you know how fast you were going?" He asked. "65" I uttered. I know this because I had my cruise set. "He looks at me and said... more like 66." Alright already, I know I was speeding. He asks for my license and registration. I hand him the registration and confess to not having my license with me. I explain that I haven't ever been pulled over and I apologize for acting like a baby. He says, "You've never been pulled over before...why not?" I can honestly say that I don't even remember what I said to that... I mean what do you say, "You never caught me before, sucker!" Or how about, "I am a flawless driver, and today was my first offense sir." Like he would buy that anyway. So on with the story... He takes my name and birthday and goes back to his car. After an eternity, he comes back and gives me a verbal warning. I am so relieved. I still can't feel my legs. I don't even want to drive home. I just want to crawl into bed. We go to my mom's house to drop Brandon off and I use my turn signal to pull into the driveway. Justin teases me. Brandon teases me. And I felt awful. And so, my perfect driving record is tarnished by a verbal warning.
All of this taught me something though. Even if I am having a rotten day, I am the one letting it get to me. I can't control every situation, but I can control how I respond to every situation. My speeding could have caused harm to the ones that I love. An accident could have happened due to my impatience and intolerance. My bad mood could have hurt their feelings. Oliver and Liam are very intuitive. And poor Justin squished his 6 foot 1 in self into the back seat to accommodate my mood swings. And most of all, I hurt my God. My inability to dedicate a few measly hours of my time, hurt Him. He took care of me though. I didn't get a ticket. Thank goodness. But I did get a wake-up call and for that I am grateful.

1 comment:

Amie said...

Wow Sunny. I wanted to take this opportunity to try and encourage you. I know exactly what you are feeling. The enemy doesn't want us to focus on God. He doesn't want us to go to church and worship him. He will use any and every distraction that he can find to keep our minds off of thanking and worshipping the almighty. Don't feel bad, this happens to everyone. God loves you and forgives you.
P.S. I am sorry to hear that you hate your body. I have been dealing with this for a while as well. That's why I have decided to change my lifestyle. you are a beautiful person inside and out Sunny. Sometimes everyone needs a little wake up call!